Are you a Square?


I’ve been around a few years. I was 11 years old when JFK was assassinated. I lived in what would be considered a small town in Nebraska. The whole world outside of that town was something on the other side of a television screen.


Then I joined the Navy in 1974 and began to travel the world, or portions thereof, and was able visit and experience those TV images for real.


It was extremely breath-taking for me. Being in places that before were places that had a glass window in front of them. Some in Black and White. Some in Color.


But being in these places, for real, showed me that much of what I watched on the boob tub were tinted in a different way. Some were more awesome that I could even imagine. Some were so much less. But from experience I learned that  the real thing is much more than the experience you get from just reading and hearing about people and places on planet earth.


Cultures of every  area in the world are different. I don’t care if it is a town 9 miles from where you are or 200.000 miles where you are..,things are different!


The change in culture, such as government, laws, atmosphere, attitude, and most importantly people’s attitudes toward life, religion, and every other thing is always different.


Prejudice exists in all areas and in all people. complacency, Concerns, Cares, Rejection, Attitudes towards Race, religion, Sexual orientation, and everything from where you hang out to how, many teeth you have, all the way to your personal habits are evaluated by everyone.


And the reaction to these observations, based on what one believes or thinks, is held against those that are different.


When you live in an area, regardless of your a new resident or long time resident,  anyone that does not fit into the mindset/stereotype of the your community is considered an outsider.


In my travels I have learned this the hard way. And that to me is a good thing. Why? Because, had I stayed in the same place all my life, never gotten out and seen the world, never lived in a place different than where I spent the first 20 years of my life, I would have become an over opinionated bigot solely based on the center of my world and not the real world.


The lesson I learned is there is far more in this world, many many more people that have many many more morals, mores, cultures, habits, attitudes, social interactions, beliefs, and just plain old way of dong things than I could ever imagine.


And to this day, at the ripe old age of 61, I’m still learning.


I have come to realize that in my small town, in which I grew older,  for the first 20 years of my life that it was not perfect. I have come to realize that in the places I have visited and lived in the past 40 years that the world, as I know it now, is also not perfect. I have come to realize that all the people I have met are not perfect. And from that I have learned this lesson:




Sure I may agree with some, I may disagree with some and I may become confused by some. And that gives me room for exploration of humanity. Not for automatic rejection because someone might disagree with what I presently believe and hold to be true.


Life is a learning process. To fail to consider that others might have something to offer  is to cut yourself off from understanding what this whole life thing is. And that is just plain … well stupid.


To prejudge anything in life where everything is wrong unless it agrees with what you know is not only a lazy cop-out, but an action that robs one of the opportunity to gain knowledge of  what life is all about.


We are given the ability to see, hear, taste, smell, and touch. That’s our five senses. But with these five senses there comes a sixth sense or perhaps a human trait. And that is … “THE ABILITY TO THIN!”


To turn off or ignore our ability to think, reason, comprehend, analyze, compare, accept or reject anything we see, hear, taste , smell and touch is wrong, we rob ourselves of a leaning experience, the ability to gain more knowledge of the world around us and we tune out instead of tuning in.


It has been said that we need think outside of the box. We’ll I’ll put it this way. Yes we need to think outside of the box. We have to consider all things and learn from them.


To not do so traps you into being (a phrase from some years past) “A SQUARE!”



I Sent this to a few of my friends. After doing so I decided it was appropriate for all. So here it is…

To a Select Few of My Friends:

Those of you who know me know that I tend to write long and wordy stuff. And since I have not written anything below this point, there is a strong chance that this email to you will be no different. It’s sort of a reflection of how things have changed over the years.

I’ve been permantely living in Florida .. oh about … well exactly 3 years, 3 months, 1 day, and 1/2 an hour.   Moved here from Northern Virginia, where Bonnie and I lived for …. 26 years after living in Virginia beach 7 years and other places over the years starting in Bath Maine. Moved to Friend Ne at the age of 6 months, so I am told. I don’t remember that long trip.

My life, or mental state or the process of growing older, in my mind, started in Friend Nebraska. And what I am about to say has to do with how I thought about time and age and growing up and growing older.

I recall being in Elementary School. As some of you know, Friend Public Schools, at my time, had almost 300 or so students. That’s K-12.  I recall, (Do you remember that far back?) being in Kindergarten… Using Big huge crayons to draw pictures on sheets of paper on the floor of the classroom just prior to Nap time on the rug.  And I remember (sorry John for telling on you) John Dine, on the first couple of days of being in that classroom, getting upset and telling the teacher that all he wanted to do is “go home and have a peanut butter sandwhich my dad!”.

This was the start of my “whishing my life away”. The Kindergarten classroom was right next to the FIRST Graders and only separated by a sliding door or more like a curtain.  I recall wishing I was in that class room. I wished I was older. I wish I was a little  (body size) heavier, I wished that I had black hair instead of the fine dirty blonde hair I had, and most of all I wished my name was John, or Bob, or Dave, or Fred or anything but Steve.

Okay .. Steve was okay, but then if you called me STEPHEN or WORDEN .. I would break down in tears. Why… Not a clue to this day.

Time moves on … 5th and 6th grade.. wished I was in Junior High.

Junior High … wished I was in High School

High School.. Couldn’t wait to be 16 so I could get my drivers licenses. Wished I could get away from my parents and live on my own. Wished I would graduate and get the hell out of high school. Wished I could get up the nerve to ask out the pretty girls in the class or anywhere. Wished I could get up the nerver to ask out…okay I said that already, but you know hormones.

Graduated .. FEAR on graduation day…my wishes have come true .. Now I’m 18 and on my own. Already Married..(if you don’t know that’s a story for another time)… Just before receiving my diploma I had a major FEAR RUSH thru me… No more school. No more parents telling me what to do. No more ….AH SHIT…No more comfort areas to come to to help me. Perhaps no more anything..Viet Nam was in full swing, the draft.  Actually at that moment… I was scared shitless.

Time moves on … wished the Viet Nam thing would be over, wished that my draft number in the lottery would save my ass as I was planning on a trip to Canada should it come up to low.

Also at about  20 wished I was 25 so my car insurance would be lowered.

Things worked out.

Worked for Alpo for a number of years, worked for Yeakley Refuge, worked for myself, worked in York for a day putting together High Power Line Power Poles, went back to Alpo, then worked for Deter Foundary making Manhole covers…. And GOD I wished and hoped for something better than this in life.

1974 my wish turned into a trip from work at Deter Foundary on 70th street in Lincoln to the Navy Recruiter. Joined the Navy.. Things were about to change.  Free Training, free housing,  free food, and get to see the world and I felt safe that I wouldn’t have to go fight in Viet Nam for a war I didn’t believe in.  All came true… Got all that…which resulted in spending 60 days underwater without the sight of sunlight twice a year for 3 years.  And it cost me my marriage and seeing my son. And I wished then or maybe wondered what would have been had I stayed in Nebraska. And I still do today.  My base pay then was about $200 a month..of which $100 a month went to child support..for the next 18 years.

Time heals .. but not completely… Hormones still in gear at the age of 21 to 28 resulted in 2 more marriages which failed. And a soulful wish that something would change. And it did when I met Bonnie. Everything I had done before became a lesson. And I changed my ways and beliefs and thoughts and life style … and became … me.

Yet the wishes went on.  Navy life was a bit demanding. I wished for something better.  As a petty officer in the Navy I attended many schools. My rating in the navy was Electronics Technician in the Fleet Ballistic Submarine Electronic Warfare Divison which was controlled by another part of the Navy which was differnent than the Sub Groups that control all the rest of the ship except the Nuclear people.  This required me to take a 360 question test every 3 months to see if I knew anything about my job and if I needed extra training.

I was sent, during one off crew, to a seminar or whatever they called it, to evaluate those test. It was run by Governement Contractors and had to do with test questions, whether they were technically correct, relevant to the job, and how hard or how easy they were to answer.

That’s were I said to myself … I’d like to do the job of the Government Contractors. Working within my Navy Job Code and being a civilian, dress in clothes that looked spiffy and get paid bunches of money.  That thought was another wish.

Moving on .. 1986…Got out of the Navy. Had a Job with a government contractor…And by God it was the doing what I had wished for.  Doing the work of those Contractors I just mentioned.

Moved from Virgina Beach to McLean Virigina. Went to work. This job fulfilled another wish.. Get out of Nebraska and see the world. I flew, on a month or two basis, to Chalreston S.C, where I had lived for two years, Groton CT, where I went to sub school, and Bangor Washington… near Seattle, where I had never been before. I did this job for four years.

Made a lot of friends. Did my job well. But I screwed up and wished for a higher salary. Then my job situation went screwy. Go more money, and less satisfaction out of what I was doing. George Bush Senior was President and changed the way government contracts went. Keeping a job became more political.

Moving on .. had many more jobs from 1999 to 2005.  And what had I accomplished.  GOT ONE HELL OF A LOT OF EXPEREINCE in many different fields of work. I tend to say “I know a something about everything, but I don’t know everything about anything!”

Personal realationships from kindergarten to this time went to an avoidance. You meet someone you like, become close friends, they get out of the Navy, or change jobs in the civilian world and one day they were gone. Never to see or hear from them again.

So during the 26 years , it seems that the going procedure with relationships was and unwritten rule of “Don’t get too close”.

And that I adhered to. The next to last place I lived in Virigina was a townhouse we purchased in 1996 and lived there until 2009. For those years, in a town house conntected to another townhouse .. I never knew my neighbors name.

I look back at the years before … Lost friends, Lost Marriages, and more.  I think of all the things I wished for. Did I do right, Did I do wrong. What did I sacrifice for my wishes that came true.

I also look at my way of thinking… which resulted in wishing my life away and not paying attention and appreaciateing the moment. I wanted to be a First Grader, I wanted to be in Junior High, I wanted to be in High school, I wanted to be out of High School, I wanted to 21 so I could drink, I wanted to be 25 so my insurance would be lower, I wanted a better job, I wanted a better lifestyle, I wanted and wish that something would change so that I would have what I wanted. And I got my wishes….And they all TURNED OUT IN THE END OKAY…but I fucking missed the big picture of my life wishing for something else.

Now here I am in Florida..Due to a seriers of wishes. Warm weather all year round, sunshine, beaches, fishing, boating, a house with a pool…etc.  And I got it…

And now at age 61, I’m find myself wishing I was 62 so my Social Security Payment would start. Wished I was younger so I could afford health insurance. I wished for close friends…got a ton of them now…

But times have change… My close friends are not going anywhere. And they are good friends. And now the conversations among us  are other wishes … All wishes have turned to wishing …. no more doctors appointments, no more hospital visits, better vision, body pains would go away, ….. all things that I never considered would become wishes.

And the worst of all… the end of it all. Losing Friends, seeing them suffer, and the reality of the fact that the ultimate lose will eventually happen.

Today I have a good friend who was diagnosed with Cancer and is awaiting Chemo which will be followed by surgery. I have two friends who are going thru a family situation where two sons are hospitalized. One with a reported incurable aliment and the other son has been in intensive care for over a month.. and Both these sons are friends of mine ….

I don’t know where my wishes stand today… But my purpose in writing this is two fold… First.. BE CAREFULL OF WHAT YOU WISH FOR BEACAUSE YOU MIGHT JUST GET IT.. and second …LIVE THE MOMENT!  EMBRACE IT….  Because LIFE GOES REALLY REALLY FAST.

I don’t regret my past or present. I say if I had to do it over again, I’d probably do the same thing…except I might just stop and smell the roses more frequently than ever…


Hey guys, am I right or wrong here. Hey Women… I already know I’m wrong!

Regardless of the lyrics in a song, sung by a woman, that goes “It’s a Man’s world…”  I’m here to tell you it’s a woman’s world. And Women will tell me I’m wrong, which is part of the problem. In fact I think it’s a conspiracy against us.

It is said that in a relationship all a man wants to do, when a woman has a problem (known as an issue) is to fix the problem. It is also stated that women don’t want a fix it man, they just want you to listen and understand their feelings…unless it has to do with a leaking faucet, broken appliance, lawn mowed, take the trash out ,… and poof now they need a fix it man. Don’t listen to my feelings … just take out that damn trash.

Well women … practice what you preach and listen to this and fix it.  (Like that will happen.)

First I believe (no proof) that most of the companies or researchers that developed a medication for men who have parts of thier body that, for whatever reason, won’t come to attention at the apprioated time are owned by woman.

One product introduced last about 3 days unless a guy ends up at attention for more than four hours. Selling point. It will physically enhance your ability to ‘BE READY’ when the time comes.

OKAY GUYS …. you know that predicting when that ready time is, is totally impossible. Ready 24 hours a day for 3 days, another pill, 24 hours a day for 3 days, etc..  And after BEING READY all this time you run out of your months supply and then and only then… IT’s TIME!  BAD JOKE LADIES.

What a man needs to do is develop a product for woman to be always ready. Called EXTRA EXTRA STRENGTH ASPRIN .. Take daily so a woman will never ever get a headache.

Moving on, women comment on men .. they need to wear this type of clothes, button your shirt, straighten your tie, don’t where those pants, comb your hair, shave, don’t say this don’t say that, don’t shuffle your feet when you walk, don’t use this language, don’t embarrase me, and on and on. And they set you up for the big fall by asking the question: “DO THESE PANTS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?”

And what do we do.. We do as we are told because we stupidly hope that perhaps, just pehaps that if we do all these things, this is the night that 29 days of being ready will come to fruition. We know the odds are against it.

What we should do is eveytime we are told how we MUST improve ourselves say “HONEY, YOU SOUND LIKE YOUR IRRATATED. HERE  HAVE AN ASPRIN.”

And further more. What if we do clean up our act. Go take a shower. Shave, put some nice aromatic cologne on (we call it aftershave), dress as we are told.

Well we can do that .. IF AND ONLY IF we can make it sanely through the shower process.

Man shower …. Get Wet. Use Soap, Use Shampoo, and if you have crappy hair like mine, or even you even have hair on your head by this time, conditioner.

Yup .. Just go for the soap and shampoo and conditioner in the shower. We know what that is. It’s a bar of soap and a bottle of shampoo labeled “SOAP” and “SHAMPOO”. Hard to screw that up.

BUT WAIT there’s more to this. Woman have a shelf in the shower with colorful bottles of STUFF. Many colorful bottles of stuff.  Some sit right side up, others upside down, some hang from the shower curtain rod, some on a rope.

And as we get older, this goes for both men and women, our eyesight gets worse. The Women know what is in what bottle, and in some way most are secretly color coded for each product.

So as we guys take a shower we grab one of the bottles. Not only can we not read it in the shower, with our bad eyesight.  THE DAM PRODUCT LABEL IS WRITTEN IN SOME FORIEGN LANGUAGE.

If you squirt the stuff out of the bottle and the liquid is opquae.. there is a chance it is conditioner. This is only a chance. If it is clear the chance it is shampoo or some kind of soap. And if it smells like amonia … DON”T USE IT BECAUSE YOU WILL COME OUT OF THE SHOWER AS A BLEACH BLOND. And you will end up the your little primed frend that lives with hopless anticpation to be burned to where any excitment will make it feel like a crispy fireplace fire log.

And even if you succeed in getting it all right or even come close and end up coming out of the shower smelling like an orchid, chances are there is a headache in someones future.

But guys we got to do what we got to do. Stand up for ourselves and protest this type of male bashing.  But if we know whats good for us, we’ll just keep going along with it.

All we have to do is this. If you take the little blue pill – take an asprin with it. Aspirin Lowers Blood Pressure, decreases chance of heartattack (which could occur should our partner not have a headache), and calm the nerves.

And then again … REVENGE… Don’t take out the trash, dress as you wish, use inapproiate language with her friends, just ignore honey do’s … AND HIDE THE ASPRIN!

Will I get in trouble from my woman for writing this. Maybe .. but when it comes to what is called MAKE UP SEX…SURPRISE!!!… I”M OUT OF PILLS.



It’s been a long long time since I have added anything to this blog. A lot has happened and I have  a lot of new things going and a lot of old things that no longer are part of my life..except in memory.

But what has not changed is my continous rambling thoughts about Stuff. Simple Stuff  in the world, More Stuff that happens in the world, Stuff that I could change for the better, Stuff that I have changed for the better, Stuff that I have done wrong and consquently became educated by these errors. I have learned new Stuff, which tends to result in my wanting to know more, which results in learning more, which results in wanting to know more which the end result at this is that I have more questions about Stuff than I have ever had during any other peirod in my life.

The quest for more information about Stuff has had good results. And those that  resulted as Bad Stuff, that russled my feathers, caused confusiong, forced me to make decisions that  I never ever imagined I would have ever have to make,  which in turn forced me  to find a solution to corect the errors of my way.

But as I look back on the entire quantative and qualtative results of this persuit I can only come up with one word for the end result …and that word is “WOW!”

And that “WOW” causes me to reflect and wonder, “What if I had done nothing, persued notihing, asked no questions, never tried new things, never succeeded in anything, and never failed in anything because I pesued nothing. Who would I have become? What would I have accomplished? What would my life be like if I only knew now what I knew when I knew nothing!

Would I have survived? Would I even be alive today?

I have no answer for those questions, because life as I know it today does not allow us to rewind and do it different. Yes, we may learn that we could have done things differently and choose to or choose  not to change ways by doing or not doing what we once did.

Regardless of our choice of what stuff we choose to learn about, explore, persue and do, we come to a point as we grow older. That point is … Now that I have all this knowledge and experiecne in the area of STUFFOLOGY, just what the hell do I do with it?

How do I tell others what I know? How do I express to those who are also in thier own persuit of stuff that they should or should not do this or that because it will end in success or perhaps disaster!  That their entire existance could suddenly cease to be, if they continue as they are.

My answer is … I can’t! Beacuse it is their persuit. It is thier life. It is their quest to gather thier own experiences and knowldge in the field of their Personal Suffologiccal Journey!

Some things I think, do , or say may aid them in thier quest. Some of it may hinder them. Some of it may bring theme great joy or great sadness.  This is because there stuff is not my Stuff and my Stuff is not thier Stuff.

We are all indiviauls. Each to our own selves. Each with God given freedom via free will, the ablity to do or not to do. To agree or not to agree.  The freedom to Choose!

This is an awesome concept. I can do whatever I dam well please. And regardless of the outcome, always knowing that whatever I choose to do with the Stuff I have learned or expereinced I am totally responsible for whatever outcome may result.  And the mixture of emotions that come with this responsibility range from euphoic to pure terror.

As for now, I am at a point in life where I am beging to ask myself “Self you Stuffed enough Stuffological Stuff in your life  and still have ample room for more, just what are you going to do with all this and future accumulated Stuff ?”

What is it’s purpose?

The Answer?  Well I guess the Answer is going to be in the form of  some more Stuff that will cause me to want to ask more questions which will result in more aquired stuff .

Then one day, life as I know it now will end.  And someone will take my stuffed remains and stuff them in a stuffy box and bury them in the ground.

And, perhaps. a marble headstone will be placed above ground with an engraving on it that states;

“Here Lies One Man Who’s Life Journey Was to  Persue Stuff

One Who  Gained Great Knowledge

Had Great Experiences.

Because of this Mighty Persuit

Here Lies A Man That We Can Say  Fulfilled His Quest.

Who Filled his entire being with all kinds of Stuff

We Give to you O’ LORD

The Soul  a Great Man

Who Is and was Truly and Totally Full of It!”

Added Scan Scan Dance to TSA

As a 3 year Veteran of TSA, and the senior screener (considered by years of total government service) and worked as a passenger screener and a checked baggage screener and qualified at that time on every piece of electronic technology and procedures at one of the airports listed in the article listed below, and met all requirements to advancement to a lead screener and supervisor, I am getting, as I was during those three years at one of the airports listed in the article below, getting a bit disgusted with TSA’s ever increasing need for technology to heck a public transportation passengers “STUFF” in order to meet the portion of TSA’s Mission statement to provide “excellent customer service” as part of their security methodology and to “provide the freedom to travel throughout the USA and the world safe and secure”.

They continue to use machines, designed by humans, with the help of computers, software, engineers, computerized assembly machines to detect “stuff” that could be used to put travels in danger, solely based on “Stuff” that has been used before and “stuff” that they think that could be used, that is similar to stuff that has been used before.

Basically data used in a reactive action to something that all ready been used. We citizens of the USA are a reactive society, taking action on something that has already happened in an effort to keep it from happening again. Yet, in doing so TSA decides that not only will we protect travelers from doing things that has already been done, TSA want’s to make the customer happy, thus the “CUSTOMER SERVICE” part of their mission statement.

I have always said and still hold to the statement – “YOU CAN NOT COMBINE CUSTOMER SATISFACTION AND SECURITY”, because those two things do not combine because a terrorist holding a valid ID and Valid boarding pass and a valid newly designed never seen before method or object (STUFF) that would threaten the lives and safety of travelers are considered those we must also provide with “Customer Satisfaction”. And in a society that continually holds to and personally and thru the media does not hold back on expressing these rights as a “violation of their rights to privacy”.

As mentioned above, the technology produced to screen human travelers “stuff” to determine if they are a potential threat to fellow travelers are the results of Human ideas. And Humans make mistakes. And electronics break down, software crashes and poof, you are left with the inability to screen “traveler’s Stuff”.

With the introduction of this new 3.2 million dollar potential investment in id and Boarding Pass screening devices does two things. It adds another electronic piece of equipment to do something a person can do (aka screener) adding dependency on machines for “traveler safety” and adds to the known psychological effect of complacency to the screener.

And now consider the idea that at least two times it caused a couple of passengers up to a 2.5 minute delay in getting to the next check point (180 seconds). This I am sure will cause a cry of “more delays”, and a definite complaint of “violation of the travelers privacy”.

Most of us have no idea what information is contained in bar codes and the magnetic strip on the back of our credit cards. I once ran my drivers licenses bar code over a grocery store scanner and it returned the results that stated my drivers licenses was a can of green beans.

And, there is a “profiling objection” which is where you screen passengers, not stuff. Security for Israel’s airports go through the passengers “stuff” but they do not screen “stuff” they screen “passengers” via many check points and conversations  to determine a potential threat. They have even incorporated a handheld lie detector to see if the travelers answer are deceptive (which means not necessarily a lie but with some answers are not really honest)

The TSA mentioned doing that and POOF – “violation of privacy, profiling etc.

Let me finish this rambling with this – “People Kill People”, “Stuff dose not.” As fast as we can build a new detector to detect new “Stuff” that can be used to kill thousands, terrorists are working on new ways not yet know by TSA or anyone but them.

The head of security at Israel’s airport said in an NBC news interview shortly after 9/11 that “the USA would spend Billions on increased Airport security or Billions on Burying the dead.” (It’s still on the web if you want to search for it). What he did not say is how much we would spend on providing and how much extra it would cost in making part of your mission to please all the people all the time (“excellent customer service”) and how that would screw things up.

Bottom line is electronic equipment increased security is not going to make things better, increase in screening people (and if you want to call it profiling, go ahead, because it’s profiling threats to travelers and has nothing to do with race) and it should be done soon before some one figures out how to pull the plug on the electronic “STUFF” screening funding.