What is 8 Inches Deep and 20 Years Long?


Most industries that produce, well for the moment we’ll call it, STUFF have written in their specification of an item called a “life time expectancy”.  A product’s life time is considered from time of manufacturing to the time in which its designed functionality has expired. And this is based on a whole lot of other stuff used in the products construction, and that stuff’s life expectancy, combined with a variable of guesstimation  based on the particular industries confidence, or lack thereof, of their product. And in some cases, the  projected income they can gain from the product before they make enough profit, that should their product fail prior to its expected life time, they can cut their losses and run for the hills.

(HEY TOYOTA YOU GOOFED! Should have cut and run!)

We recently purchased an 8″ foam body sculpting therapeutic mattress. Top of the line, as advertised, on sale for $100 less than normal retail price in a grocery store for $219.00. In my research I found it to be the least expensive of any reputable 8″ queen size foam mattress on the market. And that it was a product of a reputable company sold by the product name that is exclusive to that market.

Now why would anyone buy a $219 8″ foam mattress sold in a very small grocery store in a suburb in the Washington DC area, located within walking distance to a Giant Food Store and a Shoppers Food Warehouse. Well for a number of reasons.

Lets add two and two and $ 0.25 together. First, it has a small limited selection of items, some never heard of brands, and same famous brands unattractively  displayed in a cross between a small grocery store and a warehouse. You can’t beat the deals, but you have limited selection. And then you have to consider how they cut cost. One way is to bring your own bags to carry out the items you purchased or pay for them at the check out counter, and  then you have to bag your own groceries.

And the first time I was there, my curiosity was peaked prior to getting in the front door. To get a grocery cart, you had to place a quarter ($0.25) in a slot in order for the chain that secured it to all the other carts. This would release a lock, and free the cart. It was only a deposit on the carts use. In order to get your quarter back was to return the shopping cart to it original place and upon securing the cart to the others, the quarter was released.

So I immediately became curious. And after my first visit I found myself happy with the money I saved, and the highly visible methods they use to cut cost filled me  with an over euphoric feeling of “what a great deal I got” and a  feeling of  satisfaction,  and the illusion of unconditional “TRUST” took over.

So when store advertise a $100 dollar savings, for just $219 for an item located just across the aisle for the eggs and milk adjacent to isles with Potato Chips on in the left and Spaghetti sauce on the right, one must conclude —  THIS MUST BE A GOOD DEAL!.

Then lets add some promotional information. In big Bold Letters on the box, so you  can’t miss it, says – “GUARANTEED FOR 20 YEARS”.

Dam how awesome!

It was such a wonderful feeling. A great deal, $100 off and guaranteed for 20 years. It was such a great feeling I started to hallucinate that I was on the game show,
“Let’s Make a Deal” and I had chosen door #3 and WON.

AND THEN IT HAPPENED.

I HEARD THAT UNWANTED SOUND I’VE HEARD SO  MANY TIMES BEFORE ON THIS SHOW.

“ZONK!”

I returned to reality and realized two things. One was the “Zonk” I heard was the sound made when I unconsciously ran my cart into a row of high quality animal toys,
and second  I began to question this products guarantee. In the year 2031, when my foam mattress no longer conforms to its standards, who do I return it to for my full refund.

And that’s when I made the commitment to sleep on this thing  every night for the next twenty years to see if this company had a valid product predicted life time expectancy, or will this company would cut its losses and run.

So as of this date, the mattress is doing as advertised, and I only have 7240 nights left to see if their guarantee is the real deal! But if it’s not, in the year 2031, who’s going to listen to a 77-year-old man with a claim on a worn out mattress bearing an unreadable thermal printed paper receipt?

Time will tell. It’s late, and it’s time test the mattress.  When I awaken in the morning  I’ll only have 7239 more nights to go!

Sweet dreams All!

3 responses to “What is 8 Inches Deep and 20 Years Long?

  1. Pingback: Denver Extended Stay

  2. Well it’s like this. I put it away in a safe place. And in doing so, to make sure I have it when I need, it always, always backfires on me because I seem to have the inability to find anything I put in a safe place. Leave it on top of a dresser, on the kitchen table or just about anywhere in plain sight, I continuously run into that annoying piece of paper. So I eventually put in a “safe Place” which is extremely safe from ever being found and destroyed by anyone. And ‘me’ is included in the group called “anyone”. But it really doesn’t matter, because, as I have found out, a thermal printed receipt is a purposeful or accidental problem that merchants use. Within one year or less of its cash register generation, what is printed on it fades out and you end up with a blank piece of paper. So at least for the next 10 months I know my receipt is safe and readable … where ever the hell I put it!

  3. I thought only Swiss grocery stores made you pay to use their shopping carts! Nice to know they make them here.

    My question to you, is where are you keeping the reciept so you can return the mattress when you are, say, 75? I have enough trouble keeping a reciept for three weeks. 🙂

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