03/06/2011 12:49 A.M
Location – Home – Apartment – 2nd Floor
Conditions – Outside – Dark-57 Degrees – Overcast
Conditions – Inside – Dim Lights – 74 degrees – Clear
At 12:49 A.M., while siting at my computer, attempting to produce another one of my extremely popular videos, I heard a loud strange sound. At first I paid little attention to it, as it was similar to the sound made when a semi crushed empty plastic 2 liter soda when the air inside heats up and expands. What I heard sounded like the plastic of the bottle popping back in shape as a result of the increased air pressure.
It took about 5 seconds to run that through my mind. My conclusion was that there was NO empty 2 liter soda bottle next the living room windows, and then doing a 1 second review of the whole incident I realized that the sound I heard was just way to loud to be a soda bottle.
Conclusion – Something had hit the window on the outside.
Noting the time (12:49) I, using my over abundant supply of remote controls, muted all sound and sat still for a few minutes to see if I could hear anything, and to wait for a potential second attack.
What I heard was mumbled voices for a couple of seconds and then silence.
At 12:55 I turned off or down almost all lights in the house and approached the Door Leading to the Deck. Slowly opening it I was met with – NOTHING!
Armed with my flashlight, whose batteries were almost dead, and my cell phone, I stepped out on the deck. The back of the apartments was quite as usual. Nothing Special. So I placed the beam ( if you want to call it that) on the window in question. What I saw was a white liquid flowing down the pane. I could clearly see a point of impact, which lead me to believe something that contained liquid (such as perhaps a paint ball) had hit my window. But I questioned paint ball, because I have never seen one with clear liquid. I thought perhaps a water Balloon. But the liquid was too thick.
I came back in side and went to the windows that faces the front of the apartment to see if I could see anyone. NO ONE. As I returned to the deck, just as I walked out the door, I could smell Lavender. I thought to my self , who shoots clear scented paint balls? Perhaps it’s a bio/chemical terrorist attack by some nice smelling extremest anti-perspiration organization. After a millisecond of concern I realized I had a Lavender Scented Room Deodorizer next to the door. And that discovery neutralized the good adrenaline rush I had going.
So I did the responsible citizen thing and because I had need of a stronger flashlight to see what damage was done I called 911 from my cell phone. Anyone who has experience calling 911 via cell phone knows that odds are it will be a Forest Gump experience because you never know who you are going to get.
As usual I got the answer : “911 What’s your emergency?” at which time I explained the situation, in its entirety, minus the lavender extremest ant-perspiration thoughts, and gave them my address at which time they replied “Oh, you’re in the city, let me transfer you to the city 911 line”. And as happened last time I called 911 regarding a dog in danger of being hit by a car, I was connected to the correct emergency line and, again as usual, had to tell the whole situation all over again. They told me they were sending an officer out to check out the situation.
Note: The time that elapsed from the noise I heard on the window, to this point was exactly 10 minutes.
At approximately, 1:00 AM, after walking from the front of the apartment to see when the police would show up and to the back to see if I could see any suspects running around, a City Police car arrived, with lights OFF, including headlights, was slowly driving up the parking area. I went outside to meet the officer and saw a second unit behind her.
I met with her, and discussed the situation, and as we were walking to the rear of the apartment, she said she wanted me walk carefully because she didn’t want me to contaminate any scents that the dogs use for tracking? I said to myself – “Dogs?”
And sure enough, the second officer that had pulled up had a very energetic, happy to be here, put me to work beautiful German Shepard. And this large puppy immediately attracted the attention of my mild-mannered, well-behaved 110 Lb Lab mix who was on the deck watching the activities below. However, I was able to say, “get back in the house” and have him actually do it without shouting his name with two police officers and a tracking dog next to me. Because yelling “BULLET” at that time did not see like a good idea.
Meanwhile, while the canine unit was taking a stroll, a third officer showed up. Must have been someone of importance, because as he drove up, he apparently didn’t think “SPEED BUMP” applied to him and bottomed out on the notorious BIG ONE in the apartment parking area. This drew a subdued laugh from the female officer I was talking to and a sarcastic under her breath comment while looking at the Incoming unit, ” little fast over the old Speed bump there!”
The initial inspection of the now Crime Scene, which was inspected with the officer’s HIGH POWERED FLASHLIGHT revealed the weapon that was used to splash white gooey liquid down my living room window. The Officer reported to me –
“WELL IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’VE BEEN EGGED!”
We took a walk back to the rear of the apartment. And I agreed with her that I had been egged. It was easy to see with my CSI Miami, CSI NY, CSI Las Vegas, Bones, Lie to ME, Criminal Minds TV Crime Series Training, this was a no brainer.
It was the Shell Casing that told me this was what had happened.
Upon the police and Canine unit, finishing their investigation. Basically finding nothing and determining that my apartment was the only one SHELLED, in this area, I received a Case Number, the SGT’s Name, and Phone Number and a promise they would patrol the area throughout the night.
I, however, decided to conduct my own surveillance. I know my stuff and have a vast Television Crime Series Education. So in the dark of the night, I sat on the unlit deck with my trusted surveillance gear – camera, phone, and adult beverage dressed in my night surveillance garb (black sweat shirt) and waited.
At 3 a.m. I came to the following conclusion: “THEY AREN’T COMING BACK TONIGHT!”
But I know, the Criminal Always Returns to the Scene of the Crime!
I will get to the bottom of this. I will not rest until the Scrambling suspects are apprehended. I will see them Fry for what they have done. This incident will not go over easy on them. Om not Letting it go until these Soft Boiled vandals are caught. And when that happens the YOKE will be on them!
Now as the early morning hours turn to afternoon, I gonna have some breakfast!